“You’re just a baby! I can’t believe you’re married!” If I had a nickel for every time someone said this to me…well…you know the rest. At the ripe old age of 25, I have spent my entire adult life with the same man. I met my husband when I was 19, by 20 we had our first son and at 21 we said “I Do.” We’ve heard it all, from “Oh they’ll never make it.” or “They’re only getting married because they have a kid together.” And let me be the first to say, YOU ARE ALL WRONG.
Kyle and I didn’t have to get married, we chose to get married. Yes, I’ll admit, we were extremely young when we tied the knot, we weren’t established career wise and we didn’t have a lot to our names. We struggled, but by the grace of God and our incredibly supportive parents, we made it work. Kyle and I didn’t do anything slow. We’ve been inseparable since day one. We were living together and sharing a cell phone plan, auto insurance and a joint bank account after four months of dating. We just knew. Today, six years later, we have two beautiful sons, a lovely little home, we both have great careers and you know what else, we are still in love with each other and making it work.
1. Think about all the things you’ll miss out on. I think one of peoples biggest hang ups about couples getting married young is them missing out on life. I think that is complete garbage. What in life cannot be experienced with your partner, besides promiscuity? I don’t know about you, but my husband is my best friend. We talk about everything. We laugh together, ugly cry together, ok maybe not so much him, but me definitely, and we support each other. What is wrong with that? I get to experience anything and everything I want in life with my best friend by my side.
2. You’re not mature enough to be married. Another issue I hear quiet often is maturity, or in this case, lack there of. Yes, the decision to get married is one that should not be taken lightly. Divorce is expensive and broken hearts are no fun. But, if you love someone, truly, selflessly love someone, then divorce and broken hearts shouldn’t even be on your radar. To decide to be married means to put someone else’s needs above your own. Marriage is not 50/50, it’s 100/100, both people have to be all in or not in at all. Marriage is a full time job. It shouldn’t matter if you are 18 or 50, if you can’t respect that, then you aren’t ready. In our case, we’ve both grown so much over the past six years. And the beautiful thing is, we’ve grown together. Of course there were times when we weren’t selfless and in 100%, but luckily, my hunka hunka burning love and I agree that our marriage is and always will be worth the work. What we have is too precious to not put the effort and “routine maintenance” to keep it running smoothly (high five for a car reference!).
3. You’ll lose who you are as a person. WTF. Seriously, no, just no. This one has always rubbed me the wrong way. I know who I am. I’m not in a cult being brainwashed to forget everything that makes me uniquely Samantha. I’m just in a happy, healthy relationship. I think this concern comes from people who either: a.) don’t have a whole lot of faith in you and think you’ll become a mindless relationship zombie. OR b.) they lack the confidence and/or ability to remain true to themselves while in a relationship and are projecting that onto you. Their hang ups are not your issue. Unless of course you are in an unhealthy relationship and your significant other has you on lock down, controlling everything, down to how you get your hair cut. If that’s the case, then run, don’t walk, away from them and get help if need be.
To sum it up, just because I got married when I was 21 does not mean I am missing out on life. I was lucky I didn’t have to kiss a bunch of frogs before I found my prince. As long as we remember to give as much as we receive and always make an effort to keep improving and growing our marriage will withstand anything. I wake up excited everyday for the new adventures our life together will bring. Even if that days adventure ends up being pizza and movies on the couch. Getting married young just means we get more time in our forever together.